Wedding Speeches: Order, Timing and How to Write One

Wedding speeches can produce some of the funniest, most emotional and most unexpected moments of the whole day. They can also make perfectly confident people feel nervous for weeks.

After photographing wedding speeches across South Wales, I have learned that the memorable ones are rarely the most polished. They are personal, easy to follow and focused on the couple rather than the person holding the microphone. This guide explains who normally speaks, when to have the speeches, how long they should be and how to write something that sounds like you.

Wedding speech answers at a glance

Question	Simple answer
Who normally speaks?	A parent, one or both partners and the best man or best person, although there are no compulsory roles.
What is the traditional order?	Parent of the bride, groom or couple, then best man or best person.
When should speeches happen?	Before or after the wedding breakfast. Avoid squeezing them unpredictably between courses.
How long should each speech be?	Aim for about five minutes. Six to eight minutes can work for the main speech, but shorter is normally stronger.
How long should all the speeches take?	Roughly 20 to 30 minutes is comfortable for most weddings.
Should speakers memorise everything?	No. Printed notes or a few clear cue cards are completely fine.

Jump to: When to have the speeches · Speech order · How long · How to write one · Best man advice · Photography and film tips · FAQs

When is the best time for wedding speeches?

There is no single correct time. The best choice depends on nervous speakers, your venue, the catering schedule and the flow you want for the day.

Speeches before the wedding breakfast

• Nervous speakers can relax and enjoy their meal afterwards.
• Guests are usually attentive and the tables still look tidy.
• It gives the meal a lively, emotional start.
• It works well when the speeches are short and everyone is already seated.

Speeches after the wedding breakfast

• Everyone has eaten and the formal part of the reception can finish with a toast.
• The catering team can concentrate on serving the meal without interruptions.
• It can lead naturally into cutting the cake and the evening celebrations.
• The main drawback is that nervous speakers may spend the whole meal worrying.

What about speeches between courses?

This can work when it has been agreed with the venue and caterers, but it is the hardest option to keep on time. A speech that runs over can delay hot food, while staff clearing plates can distract from the speaker. If you want to split the speeches, ask the venue to build the timings into the catering plan rather than deciding on the day.

What order do wedding speeches go in?

The traditional UK order is:

1. Father or parent of the bride
2. Groom
3. Best man

That order is only a tradition, not a rule. A modern line-up might include either set of parents, the bride, both partners speaking together, siblings, a maid of honour, a best woman or anyone else who genuinely has something worth saying.

Choose an order that builds naturally. A welcoming parent can open, the couple can thank everyone, and a confident friend can finish with energy. If one person is extremely nervous, let them speak early instead of making them wait.

How long should a wedding speech be?

Five minutes is a very good target. It is long enough for a welcome, one or two meaningful stories and a toast, but short enough to keep the room with you.

• Parent’s speech: around four to six minutes
• Couple’s speech: around five to eight minutes
• Best man or best person: around five to seven minutes
• Additional speakers: around three to five minutes each

If you have five speakers, ask everyone to keep closer to three or four minutes. A brilliant speech feels shorter than it is, but a 15-minute speech can make the entire reception lose momentum.

How to write a wedding speech without sounding copied

You do not need a collection of internet jokes or a grand piece of public speaking. Start with real memories. Specific details will always sound warmer and funnier than a generic template.

A simple five-part structure

1. Introduce yourself. Briefly explain how you know the couple.
2. Set the tone. Open with a warm observation rather than forcing a joke.
3. Tell one or two stories. Choose moments that reveal character and make sense to guests who were not there.
4. Bring it back to the couple. Explain what their relationship means or how they have changed one another.
5. Finish clearly. Offer a genuine wish for their future and invite everyone to raise a glass.

A useful test is to ask: does this story celebrate the couple, or does it only entertain the speaker’s closest friends? If half the room needs a long explanation, shorten it or choose another story.

What should each wedding speaker include?

Parent of the bride, groom or partner

• Welcome guests and acknowledge both families.
• Share a short memory that shows the person behind the wedding outfit.
• Welcome their partner warmly without making it sound like an official handover.
• Finish with pride, love and a toast to the couple.

The couple

• Thank guests for coming and mention anyone who travelled a long way.
• Thank the people who helped make the day happen.
• Say something directly to your partner.
• Acknowledge absent loved ones if it feels right.
• Keep long lists of suppliers or presents for private thank-you messages.

Best man, best woman or best person speech advice

• Introduce yourself because not every guest will know you.
• Use stories that are funny because they are true, not because they humiliate someone.
• Talk about both partners, not only your friend’s past.
• Avoid former relationships, stag-do secrets and anything the couple asked you not to mention.
• End sincerely. The contrast between laughter and a genuine final message is what people remember.

Maid of honour, sibling or friend

Do not worry about repeating a traditional role. Tell a story only you can tell. Explain what you admire, what changed when the couple met and what you hope they carry into married life.

How to feel less nervous about giving a speech

• Write it early. A finished imperfect draft is easier to improve than a blank page the night before.
• Read it aloud. Written sentences often feel too long when spoken.
• Time yourself. Rehearse at a calm pace and leave room for laughter.
• Use clear notes. Large printed text or numbered cue cards are easier than one dense page.
• Slow down. Nerves make most people speak faster than they realise.
• Look at the couple. You are speaking to people you know, not performing for a room of strangers.
• Limit the drinks beforehand. One drink may settle you; several rarely improve a speech.

If reading from a phone makes you feel safer, use it. Turn off notifications, increase the text size and avoid frantic scrolling. Cue cards normally look cleaner in photographs, but feeling calm matters more than following an arbitrary rule.

How to get better photographs and film of the speeches

The words matter most, but a few practical choices make it much easier to preserve the reactions, laughter and voices properly.

1. Tell your photography and film team who is speaking. Surprises are fine, but quietly tell us so microphones and camera positions can be ready.
2. Use a microphone. A handheld microphone helps the room and gives the film team cleaner sound. Test it before guests enter.
3. Stand where the couple can see you. The best photographs include the speaker and the couple’s reaction, not the backs of guests’ heads.
4. Keep the top table visible. Large flowers, bottles and decorations can hide faces. Ask the venue to leave a clear line of sight.
5. Pause for reactions. Laughter, applause and tears are part of the story. Give them space instead of rushing into the next sentence.
6. Test slideshows and videos. Check the screen, sound and connections before the reception. Do not leave the photographer, videographer or venue team trying to fix a surprise laptop during the speech.

Wedding speech mistakes that are easy to avoid

• Starting with an apology about how terrible the speech will be.
• Using jokes copied from the internet that guests have heard before.
• Explaining private stories for longer than the story itself.
• Making one partner feel like an extra in their own wedding.
• Mentioning former relationships or genuinely sensitive subjects.
• Turning the speech into a roast when the couple did not ask for one.
• Reading every thank-you from a long list.
• Forgetting to end with a clear toast.

A wedding speech planning framework

Use these prompts to create your own speech rather than copying somebody else’s words:

• My connection to the couple: How do I know them?
• The quality I want to show: What makes this person special?
• The story: Which short memory proves that quality?
• The relationship: What changed or became clearer when they met their partner?
• The future: What do I genuinely wish for them?
• The toast: What simple final sentence will invite everyone to raise a glass?

Once those six points are filled in, write as if you were telling the story to friends over coffee. Remove anything that sounds like it came from a formal template, then read it aloud and cut the parts you naturally rush through.

Final wedding speech checklist

• Confirm the speakers and order with the venue.
• Tell the photographer and videographer about every planned speaker.
• Aim for around five minutes per person.
• Print notes or prepare easy-to-read cue cards.
• Test the microphone, slideshow or video.
• Check names and sensitive stories with someone you trust.
• Practise aloud and time the finished version.
• Finish by raising a glass to the couple.

Wedding speeches: frequently asked questions

Who has to give a wedding speech?

Nobody has to speak. The traditional three are a parent of the bride, the groom and the best man, but modern weddings regularly include both partners, different parents, siblings and friends. Choose people who want to contribute rather than filling roles for tradition’s sake.

Should wedding speeches be before or after the meal?

Before the meal is excellent for nervous speakers and tidy photographs. After the meal works well for a traditional flow and lets the catering team serve without interruption. Both are good choices when the venue knows the plan.

Can the bride or either partner give a speech?

Absolutely. There is no reason to restrict speeches by gender or tradition. One partner can speak, both can speak separately or the couple can deliver a short joint thank-you.

Is it acceptable to read a wedding speech?

Yes. Guests would rather hear a relaxed, meaningful speech read from notes than watch someone struggle to remember every line. Practise enough to look up regularly rather than memorising it word for word.

How many wedding speeches are too many?

There is no fixed maximum, but the complete speech section should normally stay within about 20 to 30 minutes. If five or six people want to contribute, keep each speech short or split a few informal toasts into another part of the day.

Do wedding speakers need a microphone?

For most receptions, yes. Rooms absorb sound quickly once they are full of guests. A microphone helps everyone hear and gives your wedding film much clearer audio.

Enjoy the speeches rather than trying to perform them

The best speeches do not feel like a competition. They give the people closest to you a chance to tell stories, say thank you and create reactions that cannot be planned.

If relaxed photography and film matter to you, explore my South Wales wedding photography and film guide, compare South Wales wedding venues or read my wedding morning tips.